Customer Reviews: Read 31 more reviews...
 if your a women? December 20, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
If your a women, you will understand men a little more, if your a man you will nod your head. If you want to know why most marriages and relationships fail, read this book. Sex is not about numbers, your erotic life NEEDS a home to to come home to. To do that, this book explains that delicate balance of modern relationships and our political-correct views. I will read this agian in 1 year so I can focus on keeping my wife happy.
 Captivating December 3, 2008
Great book. I the other reviews serve to give you an idea about this book. The perspective she offers is different than what current norms suggest, yet it's curiously obvious and makes sense.
Excellent...except for one part October 9, 2008
6 out of 6 found this review helpful
Because the author's ideas are provocative, this won't be an easy read. It wasn't for me, but it was highly enlightening as well. The author challenged all my beliefs about love and how relationships really work and I rather liked being challenged. She made me think in ways I had never before.
For example, her discussion on how desire needs distance, but intimacy needs closeness and how these two conflict with each other in long-term relationships is dead on! But the author believes, and I agree, that it's possible to achieve both even if it seems impossible. She explains how this is possible without cornering you into believing only one method is the right way. There is no right way. Instead she shows how couples have managed to achieve this in their own way and discusses the pros and cons of each.
I also appreciated her discussion on how sexual fantasies differ from everyday fantasies. If you fantasize about the perfect job or the perfect mate, it's because you want these things to happen in reality. However, if you have a sexual fantasy about being raped, it doesn't mean that you want this to happen in reality. There's an element to your fantasy that is your true desire and in your sexual fantasies, you are in complete control about how this plays out.
I don't want to give away all her secrets because that would be like giving away the ending to a really good movie.
So, if I'm so in love with this book, why would I only give it 3 out of 5 stars? It's because there's a part in the book where the author agrees with a client that it's respectful to withhold telling the truth about an affair. I've heard this argument before and I strongly disagree. I think it's disrespectful to decide for someone else (who's not your child) what they can and cannot handle. Withholding the truth is not about respect, it's about fear. If you told the truth, that person could leave you or retaliate in another way. By withholding the truth from them, you strip them of their choices in order to gain an unfair advantage over them. Lying to someone in order to keep them bound to you is not only selfish and controlling, it's also manipulative. It's just manipulation reframed in a positive way. And a surprising argument coming from an author who earlier was arguing against possessiveness. So, while I thoroughly enjoyed the rest of this book, this part left me cold.
Otherwise, I highly recommend this provocative, yet enlightening book.
A Lifesaver for Couples... August 18, 2008
2 out of 2 found this review helpful
Perel's book is a must-read for couples in their relationships for the long haul. As a sex and relationship therapist, I highly recommend this read as a way for partners to better understand each other, and to revive the sparks they once felt.
Very nice, makes you think in the right direction June 13, 2008
Great book, I recommend it to anyone, even if you don't "need" to read it.
Written in a very nice, Sex-and-the-City-like, style. Explains a lot of things in a way you probably haven't thought of them before. Makes you think about yourself, your desire, your relashionship and how you may be damaging it.
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