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The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond | 
 enlarge | Author: Patricia Evans
Publisher: Adams Media
Category: Book
List Price: $14.95
Buy Used: $1.95
You Save: $13.00 (87%)
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Avg. Customer Rating:  220 reviews
Sales Rank: 2050
Media: Paperback
Edition: 2 Exp Sub
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 222
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.3
Dimensions (in): 8.3 x 5.4 x 0.3
ISBN: 1558505822
Dewey Decimal Number: 153.6
UPC: 045079005822
EAN: 9781558505827
ASIN: 1558505822
Publication Date: February 1, 2003
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
Shipping: Expedited shipping available
Condition: some highlighting, solid clean copy
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Amazon.com
Are you now, or have you ever been, in relationships with family, friends, or mates who have been verbally abusive? Is your happiness with someone you love continually threatened by interactions that continually undermine your self-esteem? Do you feel trapped in a relationship that keeps decaying in a downward spiral of overt or passive-aggressive abuse? If so, this book could be your life raft, either carrying you toward repair of the existing relationship or the effects of past relationships or offering liberation from your current confusion. Its practical approach can help clear your head and possibly change your life. The only criticism that I and other readers have is that the author assumes verbal abuse is almost always directed by males toward females, which, in my experience and that of others I know, is not necessarily the case. Highly Recommended.
Book Description
If you or someone you know answers "yes" to one or more of the following questions, this book is required reading: Does your partner seem irritated or angry at you several times a week?
Does he deny being angry when he clearly is?
Do your attempts to discuss feelings of pain or emotional distress leave you with the feeling that the issue has not been resolved?
Do you frequently feel perplexed and frustrated by his responses, as though you were each speaking a different language? Almost everyone has heard of or knows someone who is part of a verbally abusive relationship-if they're not involved in one themselves. In The Verbally Abusive Relationship, you'll find validation and understanding-it's "not all in your head"-and encouragement for your efforts to change the situation. In this expanded second edition, author Patricia Evans explores the damaging effects of verbal abuse on children and the family, and offers valuable insight and recommendations to therapists, as well as those who seek therapeutic support.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 215 more reviews...
 Not all Abusers are Men, Not all victims are women August 27, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
I often lend this book because I believe the insights will be a great relief to those who, like I once did, constantly adjust to criticism until they feel they are dancing to a tune played by a crazy person. In my first marriage, I read every book on relationships, saw at least five different marriage counselors with my husband, and heard lots of horrible advice, often from people whose own marriages were miserable.
This is an perceptive author who helps discern that some couples are not really couples, and some arguments are situations where the "winner" gets to continue to argue, because venting on their partner is the sole purpose of the argument, regardless of what the subject appears to be, and any attempt to resolve the argument is a threat to the "relationship."
The one area where the author has been a disappointment is in her certainty that all or nearly all abusers are men, and all victims of abuse are women. This sad stereotype is completely untrue, and it is a disservice to good men and all women to perpetuate it.
Therefore, if you are a man, remember that for most of the last century, it was considered proper and preferred form for writers to use the words "he, him, and his" to mean "he or she, him or her, and his or hers" Gender neutral writing was considered awkward, unnecessary, and silly. Women found it difficult sometimes to remember that "he" could be a woman, but we read and learned from those books anyway.
Please allow your 21st century understanding to recognize that in every case, "He" could be "Her" and if you are a man, then "She" could be you.
 This book saved my soul August 7, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
Verbal abuse kills your soul one word at a time. This book helped me realize that no amount of explaining on my part would ever get through to my husband how his words damaged me and others. After 20 years, it hit me that he will never change. Please realize that verbal abusers can be women as well as men (the author doesn't emphasize this enough). All in all, this is the most helpful book I have ever read. It saved my life and my soul.Too Good for Her Own Good: Searching for Self and Intimacy in Important Relationships
Instrumental in My Recovery May 19, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
This book was instrumental in my recovery during and after divorce. It was given to me by a coworker who had read it and found it most helpful. I had no idea that verbal abuse was this prevalant in our society. The book really helped me gain insight into my ex husband and consistently provided me with reassurance that I made the right decision to leave the relationship. Please consider purchasing The Verbally Abusive Relationship for yourself or for someone you love. I am buying a third copy to give to a coworker whose sister is just emerging from a toxic relationship. This book was the key that opened the door to my new life.
Life-changing book May 2, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
This book was like reading a chapter out of my life. When I read the checklist on behaviors, and could check 7 or 8 things off, I knew I had to act to change my life. I would read a passage and say, "Oh my God, that is me." I felt the worst when I read about what living in a verbally abusive relationship does to my children. I wish I could have started the response techniques that were written, but after 25 years, I figured it was too late to start. He has moved out, and I am beginning to find peace in my own home. I don't know what the future holds, but I will never be treated like that again!
Doesn't address alcoholism April 1, 2008
0 out of 3 found this review helpful
The book is good for what it's worth, but it doesn't address alcoholism at all. The first thing a partner of a verbal abuser should consider is whether there is alcoholism involved. Then it's a whole other issue!
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