Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts | 
 enlarge | Authors: Carol Tavris, Elliot Aronson
Publisher: Harvest Books
Category: Book
List Price: $15.00
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Avg. Customer Rating:  57 reviews
Sales Rank: 1615
Media: Paperback
Edition: 1
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 304
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.6
Dimensions (in): 7.9 x 5.3 x 0.8
ISBN: 0156033909
Dewey Decimal Number: 302
EAN: 9780156033909
ASIN: 0156033909
Publication Date: March 2008
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Product Description
Why do people dodge responsibility when things fall apart? Why the parade of public figures unable to own up when they screw up? Why the endless marital quarrels over who is right? Why can we see hypocrisy in others but not in ourselves? Are we all liars? Or do we really believe the stories we tell? Backed by years of research and delivered in lively, energetic prose, Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) offers a fascinating explanation of self-deception—how it works, the harm it can cause, and how we can overcome it.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 52 more reviews...
 how ego maintenance exacts a huge price July 11, 2008
3 out of 3 found this review helpful
Who wants to admit he was wrong, made a mistake, exercised poor judgment, was misled or conned? None of us do, but most of us are skillful at excusing or justifying those acts. This absorbing book explains why and how we reduce "cognitive dissonance" to maintain a favorable self image in spite of overt misbehavior or failure. Beyond that, the authors show how destructive this tendency can be, not just in terms of social fairness or justice but also in the insidious corrosion of our own beings. There are fascinating examples of the most mind-boggling efforts to justify inexcusable, criminal, inhuman, and hateful behavior. And there are inspiring stories of people, good people who nevertheless state clearly that they blew it, that they were responsible for another person's destruction, loss, freedom, reputation, or life itself. Finally, this book offers real hope in showing an alternative to our culture's perverse fear of making a mistake and even worse, admitting to one. They provide true stories of how such admissions can actually deter litigation instead of inviting it. In an engaging yet logical argument they make a most convincing case for the power and healing potential of personal humility, honesty, and continual self-examination. If this book was widely read and its principles applied I think there would be a lot of unemployed attorneys. And a far better world to live in. I will be re-reading this book soon.
Amazing book! June 23, 2008
2 out of 2 found this review helpful
This book manages to be entertaining, informative, and utterly terrifying at the same time! Amazing collection of examples of how we justify our actions from all sides of human life -- politics, law enforcement, medical practice, science, relationships.
PS: According to the book you should not listen to people who already bought the book when deciding if you should buy it. People who already made the decision to get the book will be biased to give a positive recommendation. ;-)
 You don't need to read it ALL June 1, 2008
1 out of 2 found this review helpful
At first, I sensed the volume was going to be redundant, overly repetitive--and to some extent that is true. The authors make their "cognitive dissonance" (discomfort which leads to self-justification, even unconsciously) point in Chapter One, and proceed to bore us with elaborations on the same theme. Everything is very logically presented and well written, but it is simply example after example of their main Chapter One thesis: Dissonance fosters self-justification.
I say start with Chapter One (which tells the what of dissonance) and skip to Chapter 8 (which explains the emotional whys and how to stop it via self reflection). Then read a chapter or two in-between if you are further interested. For me, Chapter Six, is the only chapter that held my complete attention--I was glued to it. The subtitle is "Love's Assasssin: Self-Justification in Marriage." This is relevant to me because I vividly remember going through a separation with an ex-girlfiend and this certainly made me reflect on both of our behaviors. You may find a different chapter of significance.
The message of the book is that people (mates, politicians, business executives, lawyers and the rest of us) tend to self-justify our wrong behavior--all to reduce dissonance and ambivalence for consonance.
Maybe this is one of those topics where the writers just can't present their point once, but have to flesh it out in the rest of the book so the average reader can get it more thoroughly. Like good teachers they plant the idea (theory, they admit) in our minds, then reinforce the concept so we'll never for it--and we don't dare practice ill-behavior emotionally harmful to a relationship, or even ourselves.
The authors say we all want to move from dissonance (emotional and mental discomfort over what we or others consider bad behavior) to consonance (comfort) in our actions and attitudes. To some extent the book seems rather textbookish, but it can't be expected to read like a novel--not that textbooks should be boring. Dissonance is said to hurt self-esteem because the "mind wants to protect itself from pain...with the balm of self-justification...." (p. 216-7). But dissonance has its positive side, too, they acknowledge, by forcing us to take stock (or not) of our interpersonal behavior. The authors track self-justification through the topics of "family, memory, therapy, law, prejudice, conflict and war" (p. 222), and they tell the ugly and the good.
Had it not been for Chapter Six, especially, then chapters One and Eight, necessarily, I would have rated the book a three.
Fantastic Book! Can't put it down. May 7, 2008
1 out of 3 found this review helpful
I just picked this up in Newark airport on my way back from Europe. My boyfriend had been terrible to me and the trip was the worst I ever had. So this book seemed apropo. I love it! It brings in a lot of MBA oriented theory from my Power and Politics classes as well as Advertising and Marketing. It is brilliant and I wish I had read it years ago!
Read At Your Own Risk Of Deconstruction! April 1, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
A face paced, witty, entertaining, informative, and dark read from page one.
Nothing like having every belief, stance, arguement, sacrifice, ethic,
loyalty, and moral conviction challenged by the time you've made it through
the introduction! We humans are endlessly interesting creatures, that's for
sure. A must read for any inquiring mind, politician, pastor, activist,
judge, police officer, teacher, doctor, suffering soul, do-gooder, bully, or
social terror. Enjoy.
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