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Trapped in the Mirror | 
 enlarge | Author: Elan Golomb
Publisher: Harper Paperbacks
Category: Book
List Price: $13.95
Buy Used: $2.95
You Save: $11.00 (79%)
New (39) Used (74) Collectible (2) from $2.95
Avg. Customer Rating:  100 reviews
Sales Rank: 49562
Media: Paperback
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 272
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.7
Dimensions (in): 9 x 6 x 0.8
ISBN: 0688140718
Dewey Decimal Number: 616.8585
EAN: 9780688140717
ASIN: 0688140718
Publication Date: March 28, 1995
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
Condition: 1992 Quill William Morrow black paperback has tearing, free of writing in book.
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Product Description
In this compelling book, Elan Golomb identifies the crux of the emotional and psychological problems of millions of adults. Simply put, the children of narcissist -- offspring of parents whose interest always towered above the most basic needs of their sons and daughters -- share a common belief: They believe they do not have the right to exist. The difficulties experienced by adult children of narcissists can manifest themselves in many ways: for examples, physical self-loathing that takes form of overeating, anorexia, or bulimia; a self-destructive streak that causes poor job performance and rocky personal relationships; or a struggle with the self that is perpetuated in the adult's interaction with his or her own children. These dilemmas are both common and correctable, Dr. Golomb tells us. With an empathic blend of scholarship and case studies, along with her own personal narrative of her fight for self, Dr. Golomb plumbs the depths of this problem, revealing its mysterious hold on the affairs of otherwise bright, aware, motivated, and worthy people. Trapped in the Mirror explores.the nature of the paralysis and lack of motivation so many adults feelstress and its role in exacerbating childhood wrongswhy do many of our relationships seem to be "reruns" of the past how one's body image can be formed by faulty parenting how anger must be acknowledge to be overcomeand, most important, how even the most traumatized self can be healed.Rooted in a profoundly humanist traditional approach, and suffused with the benefit of the latest knowledge about intrafamily relationships, Trapped in the Mirror offers more than the average self-help book; it is truly the first self-heal book for millions.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 95 more reviews...
 Trapped in the Mirror November 10, 2008
*******
"Really, it's a rant, a cathartic work aimed at healing her wounds... The objectivity of the author is zilch because she is personally invested in her own story and its presentation... At best, Golomb comes across as an egotist with a sharp tongue..."
*******
Those quoted above and others have written here that this book itself reflects negativity and self-absorption. Regarding the self-absorption, here is one example of a bit of the illness under discussion having been transmitted to the next generation (the author): she explains that inevitability. She shares the suffering she documents, and despite her PhD in psychology, the author still struggles, still has no perfect answers. Angry, subjective and cathartic as it may be, this book is a story of courage and generosity with the goal of wanting to connect, share, and support. No fair judgement of the author can possibly be made unless you have seen and are comparing her narcissism to the narcissism of the parents who were her role models. I'll bet she has come a long way.
This is an area of psychology that invites much more investigation and therapeutic answers. All told, there are few enough competent books on the subject. Some forms of mental illness elude every remedy known to today's technology, and this may be one of them. I saw a PBS medical documentary covering a study of a man who years ago was in a rather mild automobile accident, striking his head on the steering wheel and dash. He was unconscious for about half an hour. He recovered perfect physical health, however, the man's entire basic personality changed. He suffers extreme depression, is no longer the loving father he was, acts without empathy. The narrator explained with illustrations showing the inside of the front part of the human head, how areas of the soft tissue of the brain relating to the seat of personality organization reside in an area just behind a very sharp jagged bony structure which surrounds and holds the eyes and how the personality part of the man's brain was permanently damaged in this collision.
I would most strongly recommend this book if you have a parent who constantly demands attention and admiration and in turn demeans you, an indication your parent may be a "narcissist." Other books have been written which are directed at spouses of narcissists. Children in this situation have special additional burdens and this is one of the few books that addresses that point. Survivors of an upbringing similar to the author's will be thrilled to find the validation for their experiences that this book provides. However, I strongly recommend that if you are thinking of buying this book, also purchase "Children of the Self-Absorbed, A Grownup's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents" by Nina Brown, as a companion book. The latter offers many protective, coping, and empowering strategies and will help fill in the gaps left by the first. Despite all available practical advice and guidance, depending on your particular situation, your relationship with your narcisstic parent may present you with some lifelong challenges of the greatest magnitude.
frightening parallels November 9, 2008
Once I started reading this book, I held onto it like I had tunnel vision. I was completely blown away at how my ex-husband of twelve years was there in front of me on the pages in how Dr. Golomb describes Narcissists. Every box was checked. I ordered this book to try to find a way to help my daughter overcome her self destructive behavior that began manifesting itself when she was seven (she is now thirteen). Getting her away from her father was only the first major hurdle...she has a lot more healing that needs to be accomplished and I thank Dr. Golomb for giving me much needed perspective and helping me to understand more of what actually goes on in the minds of those whose struggles lasted well into adulthood. I look forward to sharing these stories with my daughter to help her realize that the negativity directed at her was not her fault and hope she finds and acknowledges her own worth. An invaluable book for those who have lived with and survived the Narcissistic personality disorder...a MUST read.
 Old but, It Will Do. November 6, 2008
This book should be read by those struggling with the after effects of having been raised by narcissistic or controlling parents; but it should also be read with scrutiny if read alone without previous, or further research on the topic of narcissism. One should also keep in mind the more current school of modern psychology while reading this work, as some of the matter is dated, and certainly written to the author's own conclusions.
The Library Journal is absolute rubbish. This book is outstanding November 3, 2008
This book was a life changer for me. Reading this and working with a councilor unlocked the cage I was in and help free me.
Buy the book. Take your time and read it. It is worth the journey.
 Author Still Trapped August 11, 2008
1 out of 2 found this review helpful
What a mess of a book! How this poorly written book by this self-centered and offensive author ever found a publisher is a mystery. Elan's anger comes across loudly, clearly and uncomfortably. I imagine the author as tedious at a "cocktail party" given her penchant for probing and analyzing all her acquaintances and coming up, remarkably, with the same diagnosis each time. The book read like one unconnected or tenuously connected rant to another. Much of the language was ambiguous. I often read sentences and paragraphs over and over trying to comprehend just what Elan was attempting to convey. In some cases, the premise was so poorly constructed it evaded this reader entirely. Readers seeking to understand narcissism and equip themselves with survival tools are better served by author Sam Vaknin; Narcissistic Lovers by Zayn and Dibble and especially by Wizard of Ox and Other Narcissists.
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